


Just a little warmth (It may be all you need)

by Mary_the_gardener



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, My angst turned into fluff oops, Post IDF 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 21:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21326686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_the_gardener/pseuds/Mary_the_gardener
Summary: Shoma was laying on his back on the soft covers of the bed Stephane had assigned to him when he had arrived the day before. He didn't want to talk to anyone who knew him, didn't want to answer their questions, or to listen to their pity, to the worried tone of their voice. Human contact meant sharing, and he didn't want that.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	Just a little warmth (It may be all you need)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having a little writer's block and my way of battling through it is writing angst, since that is the first thing I learned to write.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Shoma was laying on his back on the soft covers of the bed Stephane had assigned to him when he had arrived the day before. In the silence of the room he suddenly heard steps down the corridor, they were definitely coming toward his room and he got his suspicions confirmed when he heard them stop right in front of his door and then some knocks followed.

He didn't answer though. He didn't even get up to go and open the door. Instead he remained carefully motionless on the mattress, pretending to be asleep. He even closed his eyes for good measure, despite knowing that, whoever it was, they couldn't see him.

He didn't really care to know who it was: it didn't make any difference because he didn't want to see anyone. Not Deniss, not Steph, not even Koshiro. He didn't want to talk to anyone who knew him, didn't want to answer their questions, or to listen to their pity, to the worried tone of their voice. Human contact meant sharing, and he didn't want that. He felt shun by the world and thus his self defensive reaction was to avoid the world as well.

He heard the door open slowly, his eyes luckily still closed and he just continued pretending to be asleep. Sleep was one of the best things in the world - he missed it so much, that easy, deep slumber he used to fall in so effortlessly - it allowed you to forget about everything for a while: you didn't have to think about it, to take decisions, to act in anyway. It would have been very nice to be able to sleep at the moment, he thought, what a pity that instead he just had to suffer through sleepless night after sleepless night.

Footsteps came closer, stopping for a moment before he felt someone sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. He concentrated on keeping his eyes closed, willing whoever it was to go away as soon as possible, but after a few seconds of silence he felt them shift a little and heard the covers move like pressed down by a weight.

"Did you know that I can tell if you are awake or asleep just by observing your breathing?"

Crap, why did Stephane have to be so smart? For a moment Shoma considered trying to keep his pretense up, but he knew Stephane a little bit, and something told him it would have been useless, so he opened his eyes but stubbornly kept his gaze toward the ceiling.

"Hello sleeping beauty!" Chuckled Stephane. Shoma could see him at the edge of his peripheral vision, smiling sweet and serious at the same time. "I thought it would be nice if you came downstairs to join us, we're watching a movie." Perfect, socializing with everybody, just the right thing Shoma had been waiting for. The idea couldn't be less appealing to him. He just didn't want to be surrounded by people. People trying to get him out of his misery, people trying to convince him that he was worth something. Only the thought was making him feel sick.

"No, thank you."

Stephane sighed, leaning back on his hand a little more to move closer to Shoma's face, make sure he was looking at him: "Come on, we all need to unwind a bit and the company helps."

Shoma sighed, resigned: "You already have company, you don't need me. I am a burden."

"Oh Shoma, you aren't" Said Stephane softly, bringing his other hand up to caress Shoma's hair. Shoma let him, but didn't believe his words.

"I am. You... you all don't really care about me, you are just being nice. It's not necessary, I don't want pity" He let out the words that were weighing heavy on his heart, and as he did that he saw Stephane's smile crumble, sadness painting his face.

"It's not like that, Shoma, I'm sure you actually know it, deep inside."

Shoma sighed, "I do." And it wasn't a lie: he knew, rationally, but how could he convince himself, when such a big part of him only wanted to curl into a ball and sink into oblivion?

"It's not pity, Shoma, it's understanding. You think I don't know how you feel? You think Deniss doesn't know? We do, we have felt it ourselves, and we know how bad it is and that is why we want to help you as best as we can, because no one should be left alone feeling that way." He said softly, still caressing his hair, and then added with a smile: "That and the fact that we want to see you skate like we know you can, because we appreciate true art."

Shoma whined, "Stoop."

"I will, if it makes you uncomfortable. But it's not pity, Shoma, it's solidarity." Stephane smiled, warm and affectionate, then patted his hand on the cover: "Come, let's join the others, I'm sure they're on the couch waiting for you!"

Shoma still grumbled a little, but he actually got up and followed him along the corridor and down the stairs. Stephane was right, Shoma himself had done the same for his friends and teammates multiple times. He walked after him into the dimly lit living room, only a lamp and the light from the television illuminating it.  
Koshiro was smiling at him from one of the couches, one hand holding up a limb of comforter in a silent invitation, and Shoma just slid in, bringing his knees to his chest and snuggling close to his friend.

Maybe human contact and warmth were not such a bad thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I do think Shoma has enough english for this conversation.


End file.
